










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 487 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 249 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3968 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,035 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5984 | 40% |
| Smokes | 3286 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2613 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3152 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $641,770 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 256 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dontcomment | 68% | 37 |
| #2 | horny honda mechanic | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | Thicc AF | 60% | 93 |
| #4 | ViệTAwpEr | 60% | 42 |
| #5 | takeru | 53% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dontcomment | 68% | 37 |
| #2 | horny honda mechanic | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | Thicc AF | 60% | 93 |
| #4 | ViệTAwpEr | 60% | 42 |
| #5 | takeru | 53% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takeru | 8 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | horny honda mechanic | 7 | 0.0191 |
| #3 | dontcomment | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Thicc AF | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | ViệTAwpEr | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ViệTAwpEr | 338 | 0.38 | 8 min |
| #2 | Thicc AF | 289 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | takeru | 252 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | dontcomment | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | horny honda mechanic | 11 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takeru | +4.71 | 97 | 71 |
| #2 | dontcomment | +4.53 | 90 | 68 |
| #3 | Thicc AF | +0.91 | 72 | 60 |
| #4 | SabianGGST | +0.59 | 72 | 62 |
| #5 | ViệTAwpEr | -0.94 | 54 | 58 |





