








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 431 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1621 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,140 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 680 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1192 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1130 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1138 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $805,825 of utility $259 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 724 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ๓ ณโงโง๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ฏ๐๐จ | 59% | 71 |
| #6 | in memory of tense | 59% | 17 |
| #7 | mtx1god- | 53% | 15 |
| #8 | $lyฤ3R3X- | 44% | 32 |
| #9 | szabi | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KindSouls | 11 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | $lyฤ3R3X- | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | ๓ ณโงโง๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ฏ๐๐จ | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | in memory of tense | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | DiKo | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ๓ ณโงโง๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ฏ๐๐จ | 269 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | $lyฤ3R3X- | 64 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | mtx1god- | 45 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | in memory of tense | 39 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | KindSouls | 38 | 0.03 | 1 min |





