








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 83 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 78 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1002 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,679 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 831 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1032 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 796 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1020 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $135,969 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Da best | 46% | 24 |
| #12 | not yall | 45% | 31 |
| #13 | あほ Fajfer | 40% | 5 |
| #14 | Tropisk #Wrocław #MrMakeItHappen | 33% | 6 |
| #15 | Adrenalin | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doines Baluder | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | slum gsus | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | kvinde elsker | 1 | 0.0017 |





