








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
580 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,571 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 377 | 24% |
| Smokes | 433 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 340 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 421 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $147,504 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Shrebbie | 65% | 20 |
| #5 | Mark | 63% | 51 |
| #6 | crow yuri | 59% | 41 |
| #7 | chocolat | 57% | 23 |
| #8 | ball fondlers anonymous | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bestie whore | 5 | 0.0143 |
| #2 | Mark | 4 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | crow yuri | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | chocolat | 2 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crow yuri | 49 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | chocolat | 41 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mark | 27 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Shrebbie | 16 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | ami | 14 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mark | +3.71 | 76 | 53 |
| #2 | knip | +3.64 | 81 | 56 |
| #3 | bestie whore | +1.82 | 53 | 16 |
| #4 | chocolat | +0.57 | 78 | 59 |
| #5 | ami | -1.25 | 29 | 55 |





