








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
723 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,384 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 145 | 10% |
| Smokes | 460 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 405 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 374 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $99,300 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ami | 78% | 18 |
| #2 | bestie whore | 72% | 18 |
| #3 | JayTyberius | 71% | 14 |
| #4 | Case | 67% | 12 |
| #5 | knip | 63% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Horus | 42% | 12 |
| #13 | ball fondlers anonymous | 40% | 5 |
| #14 | Rokkan | 25% | 4 |
| #15 | Randy Thavage | 25% | 4 |
| #16 | Eleous | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bestie whore | 5 | 0.0152 |
| #2 | crow yuri | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | chocolat | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | knip | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | knip | 91 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | crow yuri | 46 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | chocolat | 41 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | JayTyberius | 17 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Shrebbie | 15 | 0.04 | 0 min |





