








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 682 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 320 matches | ||
| Premier | 166 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6038 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,249 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6700 | 32% |
| Smokes | 5883 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3758 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4908 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,970,466 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 842 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FBE MILKMAN | 73% | 48 |
| #2 | ray | 72% | 29 |
| #3 | obscure- | 65% | 80 |
| #4 | barry | 64% | 33 |
| #5 | Ethanol | 63% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Pewster | 59% | 113 |
| #10 | autumn | 58% | 43 |
| #11 | cheeze | 55% | 31 |
| #12 | KWXJ | 55% | 77 |
| #13 | Zel! | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | obscure- | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Pewster | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Ethanol | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | barry | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Mega | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ethanol | 426 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #2 | Mega | 424 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #3 | Pewster | 414 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #4 | obscure- | 290 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #5 | KWXJ | 288 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xking | +2.69 | 88 | 70 |
| #2 | Ethanol | +1.39 | 77 | 70 |
| #3 | Pewster | +1.32 | 79 | 66 |
| #4 | obscure- | +1.31 | 77 | 60 |
| #5 | FBE MILKMAN | +0.93 | 85 | 54 |





