








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 167 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Faceit | 89 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4061 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3005 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2465 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2484 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2863 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $830,096 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 636 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | kami | 55% | 49 |
| #8 | vTesla | 54% | 57 |
| #9 | rG_Gerbzz ︻デ 一 | 54% | 46 |
| #10 | rG_Venom | 54% | 56 |
| #11 | xfiendishh | 46% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bartholomew Hawthorn | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | ray** | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | TravioliTime | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | rG_Gerbzz ︻デ 一 | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | rG_Venom | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ray** | 415 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #2 | vTesla | 343 | 0.30 | 9 min |
| #3 | TravioliTime | 312 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #4 | Bartholomew Hawthorn | 300 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | rG_Gerbzz ︻デ 一 | 265 | 0.27 | 7 min |





