








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 207 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1511 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,728 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1168 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1549 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1094 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1917 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $353,711 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snow | 54% | 179 |
| #2 | Squid | 53% | 158 |
| #3 | FuckedUp2Much | 53% | 118 |
| #4 | jhinbe | 51% | 206 |
| #5 | j | 49% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j | 18 | 0.0107 |
| #2 | jhinbe | 12 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Squid | 10 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | FuckedUp2Much | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Snow | 6 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snow | 807 | 0.22 | 16 min |
| #2 | Squid | 297 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | FuckedUp2Much | 222 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | j | 192 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | jhinbe | 151 | 0.04 | 3 min |





