








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 108 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 171 matches | ||
| Wingman | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2096 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,160 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1537 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1049 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 2240 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2334 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,088,322 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dragonspice | 48% | 42 |
| #2 | Wowi bandit.camp | 41% | 176 |
| #3 | 1995 Pontiac Sunfire (very gay) | 40% | 343 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dragonspice | 48% | 42 |
| #2 | Wowi bandit.camp | 41% | 176 |
| #3 | 1995 Pontiac Sunfire (very gay) | 40% | 343 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1995 Pontiac Sunfire (very gay) | 24 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Wowi bandit.camp | 10 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Dragonspice | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1995 Pontiac Sunfire (very gay) | 566 | 0.09 | 13 min |
| #2 | Wowi bandit.camp | 169 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | Dragonspice | 161 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1995 Pontiac Sunfire (very gay) | +2.27 | 45 | 53 |
| #2 | Dragonspice | +1.58 | 41 | 51 |
| #3 | Wowi bandit.camp | -0.29 | 44 | 58 |
| #4 | pinedog | -4.86 | 25 | 36 |





