








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
599 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 77 | 5% |
| Smokes | 560 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 944 | 55% |
| Molotovs | 123 | 7% |
Our logs show you have wasted $358,499 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Cockapoo | 45% | 44 |
| #7 | pol | 43% | 135 |
| #8 | omham91 | 40% | 75 |
| #9 | Toberone579 | 30% | 27 |
| #10 | Dan | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | omham91 | 179 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | pol | 165 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Chrissebah | 145 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Toberone579 | 72 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Cockapoo | 60 | 0.07 | 1 min |





