








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1402 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,674 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1955 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1434 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2381 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1904 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $349,062 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boop | 50% | 14 |
| #2 | PULL UP! | 50% | 16 |
| #3 | Scarlet Lightning | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Admit | 43% | 70 |
| #5 | Chupacabra Killer | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PreMalone | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | owlistic | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | PULL UP! | 2 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Boop | 2 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | Admit | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PreMalone | 235 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | Chupacabra Killer | 151 | 0.30 | 4 min |
| #3 | Admit | 135 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | PULL UP! | 56 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Boop | 31 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PreMalone | +2.64 | 75 | 70 |
| #2 | Boop | +1.78 | 82 | 52 |
| #3 | PULL UP! | +0.87 | 67 | 64 |
| #4 | Baka4Bernie | +0.48 | 47 | 68 |
| #5 | Admit | -0.76 | 59 | 59 |





