








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 65 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
350 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 701 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 247 | 35% |
| Smokes | 76 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 112 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 266 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $46,599 of utility $45 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dillon | 5 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | sevxrin | 4 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | julienジュ | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Avalon | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | pumkin | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sevxrin | 77 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #2 | julienジュ | 51 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | pumkin | 11 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | dillon | 9 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Avalon | 5 | 0.01 | 0 min |





