








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1247 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,156 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1494 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1057 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 907 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 698 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $488,546 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Max | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | Globulos | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | Porky | 43% | 37 |
| #4 | pixelshaw | 39% | 18 |
| #5 | BernardTapis | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Globulos | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | Porky | 43% | 37 |
| #4 | pixelshaw | 39% | 18 |
| #5 | BernardTapis | 38% | 16 |
| #6 | Gay destroyer | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gay destroyer | 5 | 0.0175 |
| #2 | pixelshaw | 3 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Max | 3 | 0.0118 |
| #4 | BernardTapis | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Globulos | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BernardTapis | 69 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #2 | Porky | 45 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Max | 33 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Gay destroyer | 15 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | pixelshaw | 12 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Porky | +1.02 | 76 | 52 |
| #2 | pixelshaw | +0.85 | 46 | 44 |
| #3 | Globulos | +0.71 | 24 | 22 |
| #4 | Gay destroyer | +0.53 | 48 | 38 |
| #5 | 季刊-kikan | +0.50 | 54 | 55 |





