








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1709 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,104 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 258 | 23% |
| Smokes | 263 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 290 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 293 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $139,554 of utility $47 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brenden | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Mr.Abmoy Dubleezyyy | 71% | 14 |
| #3 | Zaz | 64% | 28 |
| #4 | Fedaddy | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | Haywood Jablomi | 51% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Zaz | 64% | 28 |
| #4 | Fedaddy | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | Haywood Jablomi | 51% | 91 |
| #6 | The Rizzler | 47% | 34 |
| #7 | bimpinsam | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haywood Jablomi | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | The Rizzler | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Zaz | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Brenden | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Mr.Abmoy Dubleezyyy | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haywood Jablomi | 260 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | The Rizzler | 110 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | Brenden | 72 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #4 | Zaz | 61 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mr.Abmoy Dubleezyyy | 36 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Rizzler | +3.48 | 85 | 63 |
| #2 | Brenden | +2.33 | 77 | 49 |
| #3 | Is it pink? | +2.08 | 72 | 30 |
| #4 | Zaz | +0.17 | 86 | 48 |
| #5 | Haywood Jablomi | -0.98 | 79 | 65 |





