








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 172 matches | ||
| Wingman | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




83 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4109 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,026 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1254 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1356 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 998 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1418 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $282,543 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 131 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UllThankMeL8R | 57% | 127 |
| #2 | ColonelCrazy | 56% | 41 |
| #3 | Ramen😕 | 50% | 76 |
| #4 | _Simplex_ | 46% | 279 |
| #5 | El Futonion | 46% | 347 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UllThankMeL8R | 54 | 0.0212 |
| #2 | _Simplex_ | 39 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | El Futonion | 29 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Dankielson | 24 | 0.0092 |
| #5 | ColonelCrazy | 20 | 0.0251 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UllThankMeL8R | 523 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #2 | El Futonion | 391 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | Ramen😕 | 312 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #4 | _Simplex_ | 143 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #5 | ColonelCrazy | 138 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UllThankMeL8R | +7.09 | 83 | 64 |
| #2 | ColonelCrazy | +6.31 | 82 | 62 |
| #3 | Ramen😕 | +4.90 | 88 | 68 |
| #4 | Osamas Been Lying | +0.93 | 69 | 31 |
| #5 | Dankielson | -0.26 | 63 | 34 |





