








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
545 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 906 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 109 | 12% |
| Smokes | 17 | 2% |
| HE Grenades | 598 | 66% |
| Molotovs | 182 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $154,712 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UllThankMeL8R | 15 | 0.0230 |
| #2 | Osamas Been Lying | 14 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | _Simplex_ | 11 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | Dankielson | 11 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | El Futonion | 7 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UllThankMeL8R | 129 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #2 | El Futonion | 122 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | Osamas Been Lying | 95 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | ColonelCrazy | 37 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | _Simplex_ | 29 | 0.03 | 1 min |





