








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3636 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,880 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2679 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2189 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3183 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1829 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $685,088 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | teakay | 56% | 99 |
| #10 | Zane | 54% | 114 |
| #11 | Gimpy | 50% | 52 |
| #12 | Loli Stalin | 48% | 27 |
| #13 | Pond_ | 45% | 106 |





