








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 544 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Faceit | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2562 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,552 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2570 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2518 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 674 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 1790 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,165,436 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 158 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheetah | 58% | 26 |
| #2 | Aloha | 55% | 53 |
| #3 | steff | 54% | 41 |
| #4 | Smorzi | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | brad | 50% | 159 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brad | 14 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | bayou jeff bezos | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Cheetah | 3 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | Smorzi | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Aloha | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brad | 439 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | steff | 183 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | Jim | 155 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | bayou jeff bezos | 85 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Cheetah | 71 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aloha | +2.58 | 84 | 46 |
| #2 | Jam | +1.26 | 76 | 53 |
| #3 | brad | +1.00 | 68 | 59 |
| #4 | steff | -0.72 | 52 | 74 |
| #5 | Cheetah | -1.20 | 79 | 34 |





