








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
933 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,611 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1886 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1443 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 925 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1357 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $267,383 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xcaptain | 50% | 16 |
| #2 | Jam | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | Noah | 48% | 56 |
| #4 | brad | 43% | 44 |
| #5 | steff | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Noah | 48% | 56 |
| #4 | brad | 43% | 44 |
| #5 | steff | 42% | 52 |
| #6 | hyu | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | Smorzi | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noah | 6 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | brad | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Smorzi | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | steff | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Xcaptain | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | steff | 250 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #2 | Noah | 144 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | brad | 138 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jam | 86 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | hyu | 83 | 0.30 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brad | +2.34 | 61 | 60 |
| #2 | Xcaptain | +2.16 | 88 | 73 |
| #3 | hyu | +2.07 | 64 | 69 |
| #4 | Jam | +0.87 | 63 | 50 |
| #5 | Noah | +0.28 | 70 | 69 |





