








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2870 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,796 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 640 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1044 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1297 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1815 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $838,595 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Ch[3]ese | 43% | 44 |
| #8 | jannickgg | 41% | 17 |
| #9 | Albedo | 41% | 32 |
| #10 | Cypher | 38% | 76 |
| #11 | Felizius | 36% | 50 |





