








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
914 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,243 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 246 | 20% |
| Smokes | 312 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 456 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 229 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $887,515 of utility $327 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 317 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | ejox | 41% | 17 |
| #10 | ArctoxUwU | 38% | 8 |
| #11 | FuzzyDog | 38% | 16 |
| #12 | Hennik | 33% | 12 |
| #13 | Cock_Shaker | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | \Spiky Spike/ | 6 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Cock_Shaker | 4 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | Nappz ナップズ | 3 | 0.0148 |
| #4 | PURA! | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | JackFennec | 2 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | \Spiky Spike/ | 223 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #2 | Nappz ナップズ | 67 | 0.33 | 1 min |
| #3 | Hexxed | 61 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Cock_Shaker | 55 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | ejox | 37 | 0.11 | 1 min |





