








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 236 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 226 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1468 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,166 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 656 | 21% |
| Smokes | 737 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 655 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1118 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $714,159 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 69 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Lose | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | Basura Caliente | 47% | 17 |
| #3 | EvoAce | 46% | 24 |
| #4 | LoDit_ | 46% | 151 |
| #5 | John N | 44% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Sicksaki | 43% | 81 |
| #9 | bej | 39% | 96 |
| #10 | AceNoWifi | 35% | 23 |
| #11 | Devin | 34% | 41 |
| #12 | ApeIndigo | 22% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Professor K | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | LoDit_ | 11 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | bej | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | AceNoWifi | 5 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | Sicksaki | 4 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Professor K | 450 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | LoDit_ | 188 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Sicksaki | 161 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | John N | 100 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | AceNoWifi | 88 | 0.17 | 2 min |





