










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 270 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1822 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,834 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 986 | 17% |
| Smokes | 801 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 2474 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1573 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,010,232 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | wikket ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 35% | 17 |
| #12 | yoshi_deLowbob | 35% | 17 |
| #13 | ClitCommander | 34% | 32 |
| #14 | spt_the_lucker | 32% | 41 |
| #15 | Mopf | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | selz | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | DirRrrTy_ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | spt_the_lucker | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | r4nd0m_dude | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | ClitCommander | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DirRrrTy_ | 220 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #2 | ClitCommander | 104 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | selz | 84 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | -1h | 73 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | crz | 58 | 0.19 | 2 min |





