








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Wingman | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1621 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,533 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1011 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1171 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 265 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 1086 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $564,245 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 264 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gonzo | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Monkey D Tenz | 54% | 57 |
| #3 | Yung Wolfblyat | 53% | 55 |
| #4 | EnglishPlonkers | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | milk | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yung Wolfblyat | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Monkey D Tenz | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Lean Enjoyer | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | milk | 3 | 0.0082 |
| #5 | EnglishPlonkers | 2 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lean Enjoyer | 84 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | EnglishPlonkers | 45 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #3 | Gonzo | 38 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | milk | 35 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Yung Wolfblyat | 26 | 0.02 | 1 min |





