








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 765 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 294 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4248 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,864 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3024 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2988 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4247 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2605 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,443,151 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 325 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBearS | 56% | 57 |
| #2 | Monkey D Tenz | 51% | 139 |
| #3 | gaylaxy | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | EnglishPlonkers | 48% | 119 |
| #5 | Gonzo | 47% | 182 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Monkey D Tenz | 51% | 139 |
| #3 | gaylaxy | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | EnglishPlonkers | 48% | 119 |
| #5 | Gonzo | 47% | 182 |
| #6 | milk | 42% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monkey D Tenz | 24 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | milk | 10 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | EnglishPlonkers | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Gonzo | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | TheBearS | 4 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBearS | 397 | 0.32 | 10 min |
| #2 | EnglishPlonkers | 352 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | Gonzo | 221 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #4 | milk | 85 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | gaylaxy | 70 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBearS | +2.75 | 67 | 64 |
| #2 | gaylaxy | +1.75 | 70 | 47 |
| #3 | Lean Enjoyer | +1.66 | 72 | 56 |
| #4 | Monkey D Tenz | +0.11 | 68 | 10 |
| #5 | EnglishPlonkers | -1.41 | 70 | 58 |





