








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 236 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 244 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2422 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,953 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2760 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1841 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2774 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1578 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $657,083 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 189 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Big Clum | 47% | 32 |
| #5 | The Dinkster | 46% | 37 |
| #6 | Wabash | 44% | 100 |
| #7 | L | 41% | 34 |
| #8 | Cxzza | 36% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Havok | 7 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Big Clum | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | The Dinkster | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | L | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Wabash | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L | 300 | 0.42 | 8 min |
| #2 | Havok | 220 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | Big Clum | 154 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | The Dinkster | 127 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Cxzza | 96 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | O | +2.48 | 78 | 25 |
| #2 | Havok | +1.40 | 74 | 58 |
| #3 | Big Clum | +1.33 | 72 | 62 |
| #4 | The Dinkster | +0.76 | 78 | 59 |
| #5 | Cxzza | +0.67 | 63 | 59 |





