








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 701 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 213 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5306 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,845 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1266 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1957 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3178 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3444 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,309,014 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 343 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Lil ripped jeezus | 47% | 246 |
| #7 | NoTi' | 47% | 252 |
| #8 | DEKSTERS | 44% | 97 |
| #9 | Jenny Tal1a | 44% | 161 |
| #10 | Yağız Zİya Baba Turk Mutfagİ | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoTi' | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Suncis | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Lil ripped jeezus | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Yağız Zİya Baba Turk Mutfagİ | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Jenny Tal1a | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil ripped jeezus | 562 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #2 | NoTi' | 439 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #3 | Suncis | 223 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jenny Tal1a | 138 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | DEKSTERS | 138 | 0.07 | 3 min |





