








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1203 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,450 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1246 | 28% |
| Smokes | 852 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 911 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1441 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $485,105 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 360 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | silent | 50% | 140 |
| #7 | Laurachhe ♡ʷʰⁱˢᵖᵉʳ | 46% | 67 |
| #8 | soup | 43% | 21 |
| #9 | Shia LaPuff | 40% | 75 |
| #10 | bobrossttaa | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | silent | 320 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | Shia LaPuff | 111 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | 007 | 78 | 0.26 | 2 min |
| #4 | soup | 73 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Laurachhe ♡ʷʰⁱˢᵖᵉʳ | 58 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JimmyChoos | +4.49 | 85 | 53 |
| #2 | silent | +3.98 | 81 | 56 |
| #3 | 007 | +2.99 | 74 | 69 |
| #4 | Shia LaPuff | +0.48 | 75 | 53 |
| #5 | Laurachhe ♡ʷʰⁱˢᵖᵉʳ | -0.02 | 56 | 16 |





