








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 216 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3024 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,500 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1212 | 16% |
| Smokes | 913 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 3273 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 2102 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $813,461 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minky PhD | 50% | 22 |
| #2 | V5 Dreamer | 44% | 61 |
| #3 | nichtdeintyp | 33% | 18 |
| #4 | Pitzi321 | 21% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minky PhD | 50% | 22 |
| #2 | V5 Dreamer | 44% | 61 |
| #3 | nichtdeintyp | 33% | 18 |
| #4 | Pitzi321 | 21% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V5 Dreamer | 11 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Minky PhD | 3 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | nichtdeintyp | 2 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V5 Dreamer | 234 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | Minky PhD | 63 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | Pitzi321 | 51 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | nichtdeintyp | 31 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minky PhD | +2.83 | 83 | 58 |
| #2 | V5 Dreamer | +1.94 | 67 | 67 |
| #3 | WoJaMo | +0.43 | 66 | 53 |
| #4 | Pitzi321 | -1.51 | 69 | 67 |
| #5 | nichtdeintyp | -2.86 | 64 | 58 |





