








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 498 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 712 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4437 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,319 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3194 | 16% |
| Smokes | 7578 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 5774 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3773 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,556,779 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 51 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gunmaster | 29 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | D-X | 14 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | SunshineKiller | 12 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Fire-Ball | 10 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Tazerface | 10 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gunmaster | 851 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #2 | Pepe Julian Onzima | 366 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | SunshineKiller | 299 | 0.04 | 8 min |
| #4 | D-X | 263 | 0.04 | 8 min |
| #5 | ♥ Bitch Please ♥ | 182 | 0.15 | 3 min |





