








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 836 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3610 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,543 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3105 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3875 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2605 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1958 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,531,159 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 309 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 砲 | 20 | 0.0096 |
| #2 | Chet Lemon | 12 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Big Jubs | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | DxN | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Mick | 6 | 0.0045 |





