








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
256 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 177 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 31 | 18% |
| Smokes | 75 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 55 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 16 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $102,341 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CAP | 50% | 22 |
| #2 | BigJuicySteve | 41% | 34 |
| #3 | sophomore in hs | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | CosmoMan | 35% | 31 |
| #5 | TRUE | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | BigJuicySteve | 41% | 34 |
| #3 | sophomore in hs | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | CosmoMan | 35% | 31 |
| #5 | TRUE | 27% | 15 |
| #6 | IAmBobert | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CosmoMan | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | CAP | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | TRUE | 1 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | IAmBobert | 1 | 0.0123 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigJuicySteve | 63 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | CAP | 24 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | CosmoMan | 17 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | sophomore in hs | 14 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | TRUE | 7 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CAP | +5.39 | 72 | 64 |
| #2 | BigJuicySteve | -0.01 | 57 | 49 |
| #3 | Hollis | -1.08 | 40 | 14 |
| #4 | sophomore in hs | -3.57 | 52 | 36 |
| #5 | CosmoMan | -3.58 | 33 | 17 |





