








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4324 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,547 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4625 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3576 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4151 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3195 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $631,897 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6135 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| 68% | 47 | ||
| #3 | beefstrokemeoff69 | 68% | 158 |
| 66% | 35 | ||
| #5 | yapin | 64% | 33 |
| 62% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beefstrokemeoff69 | 30 | 0.0102 |
| 17 | 0.0304 | ||
| 11 | 0.0123 | ||
| #4 | yapin | 4 | 0.0061 |
| 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beefstrokemeoff69 | 495 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| 241 | 0.43 | 4 min | ||
| #3 | yapin | 162 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| 118 | 0.13 | 3 min | ||
| #5 | Reset | 97 | 0.13 | 3 min |





