








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 613 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 135 matches | ||
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2057 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5181 | 38% |
| Smokes | 3961 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1425 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 3063 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $442,423 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1573 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lemon | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | wyerD | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | Veef Beefers | 66% | 29 |
| #4 | Smiling Solaris | 65% | 37 |
| #5 | m3bis | 56% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Zynplexity | 51% | 57 |
| #8 | SimpleCritter | 50% | 32 |
| #9 | egg man | 50% | 50 |
| #10 | Evann | 48% | 21 |
| #11 | Sage | 26% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m3bis | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Draeee | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Smiling Solaris | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Veef Beefers | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m3bis | 469 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #2 | egg man | 139 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | SimpleCritter | 131 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Zynplexity | 93 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Draeee | 86 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evann | +3.18 | 67 | 64 |
| #2 | Draeee | +3.17 | 82 | 57 |
| #3 | Veef Beefers | +1.29 | 59 | 50 |
| #4 | Sage | +1.00 | 77 | 51 |
| #5 | Zynplexity | +0.77 | 68 | 62 |





