








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 197 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Faceit | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3260 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,167 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1346 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2185 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3081 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2555 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,605,491 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Miau!? | 65% | 26 |
| #2 | Ivigo | 55% | 40 |
| #3 | Mukaij | 54% | 137 |
| #4 | Deuflorean | 54% | 28 |
| #5 | neosunchik | 49% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alextrof | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | neosunchik | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | KoT | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | znake | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Mukaij | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bes1k (◣_◢) | 266 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | Daggett | 246 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Mukaij | 242 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #4 | KoT | 220 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | alextrof | 218 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deuflorean | +1.84 | 66 | 67 |
| #2 | alextrof | +1.11 | 39 | 56 |
| #3 | znake | +0.73 | 56 | 41 |
| #4 | Daggett | +0.54 | 49 | 71 |
| #5 | Captain Miau!? | +0.38 | 71 | 26 |





