










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
269 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 541 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 179 | 33% |
| Smokes | 176 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 58 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 128 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $97,152 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHE GOBLIN ON MY GREEN | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | fad3d_knight | 100% | 3 |
| #3 | DRK1 | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | Yellow Man | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | ✪ LäiSkijä | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ✪ LäiSkijä | 50% | 2 |
| #6 | TexehBruh | 50% | 6 |
| #7 | Wooded-car | 25% | 4 |
| #8 | 100T Biggles | 0% | 2 |
| #9 | THE KING | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yellow Man | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | Wooded-car | 2 | 0.0267 |
| #3 | THE KING | 1 | 0.0263 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yellow Man | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | TexehBruh | 6 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | SHE GOBLIN ON MY GREEN | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | DRK1 | 2 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | fad3d_knight | 2 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHE GOBLIN ON MY GREEN | +6.47 | 39 | 17 |
| #2 | TexehBruh | +1.88 | 47 | 60 |
| #3 | KST | +1.20 | 75 | 37 |
| #4 | Yellow Man | +1.16 | 70 | 57 |
| #5 | 100T Biggles | -1.01 | 77 | 6 |





