








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
966 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,448 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 467 | 19% |
| Smokes | 111 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 1421 | 58% |
| Molotovs | 449 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $203,379 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 61 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TwistedTaint | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Attack Bass | 48% | 23 |
| #3 | J.Dot | 47% | 55 |
| #4 | CatSqueazer | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Jackie Noffmen | 40% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Attack Bass | 48% | 23 |
| #3 | J.Dot | 47% | 55 |
| #4 | CatSqueazer | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Jackie Noffmen | 40% | 140 |
| #6 | TheGreatDong | 32% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jackie Noffmen | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | TheGreatDong | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Attack Bass | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | CatSqueazer | 2 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | TwistedTaint | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jackie Noffmen | 483 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | J.Dot | 197 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | TheGreatDong | 54 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Attack Bass | 34 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | TwistedTaint | 14 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J.Dot | +4.65 | 81 | 76 |
| #2 | Attack Bass | +3.65 | 71 | 37 |
| #3 | TheGreatDong | +0.64 | 62 | 68 |
| #4 | Jackie Noffmen | +0.29 | 59 | 68 |
| #5 | TwistedTaint | -1.89 | 33 | 35 |





