








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1231 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,146 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 759 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1458 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1134 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 795 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $445,916 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cherry | 59% | 32 |
| #2 | Cummah | 53% | 47 |
| #3 | LarryBird | 52% | 87 |
| #4 | Tim Misny | 51% | 85 |
| #5 | Costco Guys | 49% | 35 |





