








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1043 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,238 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 385 | 12% |
| Smokes | 698 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1207 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 948 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $174,188 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FrankJ | 50% | 30 |
| #2 | Bass | 49% | 57 |
| #3 | Hasse | 48% | 42 |
| #4 | John | 46% | 85 |
| #5 | Suits | 44% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Bass | 49% | 57 |
| #3 | Hasse | 48% | 42 |
| #4 | John | 46% | 85 |
| #5 | Suits | 44% | 45 |
| #6 | Resourceful Rice Eater | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Suits | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Bass | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | FrankJ | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | John | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Hasse | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Resourceful Rice Eater | 167 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Suits | 148 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bass | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Hasse | 110 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | FrankJ | 58 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bass | +2.30 | 74 | 76 |
| #2 | FrankJ | +1.29 | 75 | 69 |
| #3 | Resourceful Rice Eater | +1.07 | 68 | 80 |
| #4 | John | +0.59 | 63 | 36 |
| #5 | Hasse | -0.45 | 64 | 77 |





