








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 81 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
917 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,219 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1607 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1423 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1637 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1552 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $277,139 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | Resourceful Rice Eater | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Suits | 50% | 26 |
| #4 | Bass | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | Neo | 49% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Suits | 50% | 26 |
| #4 | Bass | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | Neo | 49% | 45 |
| #6 | Dasher | 48% | 42 |
| #7 | FrankJ | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dasher | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Bass | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Neo | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Suits | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | FrankJ | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bass | 90 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Suits | 81 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Resourceful Rice Eater | 55 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Neo | 52 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | FrankJ | 32 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bass | +2.15 | 72 | 74 |
| #2 | Resourceful Rice Eater | +1.87 | 68 | 79 |
| #3 | FrankJ | +1.22 | 74 | 71 |
| #4 | Neo | +1.16 | 83 | 50 |
| #5 | John | +1.15 | 68 | 36 |





