








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
423 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,549 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 410 | 26% |
| Smokes | 426 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 318 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 395 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $198,616 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Buchtelix | 48% | 25 |
| #2 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | 44% | 41 |
| #3 | Limp Whip | 33% | 3 |
| #4 | Jansteffen | 30% | 23 |
| #5 | Whatnever | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Limp Whip | 33% | 3 |
| #4 | Jansteffen | 30% | 23 |
| #5 | Whatnever | 29% | 7 |
| #6 | BitchPlease | 29% | 7 |
| #7 | Gnarf | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | 3 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | 109 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Buchtelix | 42 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Whatnever | 19 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #4 | BitchPlease | 17 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jansteffen | 15 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gnarf | +1.05 | 75 | 49 |
| #2 | Whatnever | +0.97 | 83 | 61 |
| #3 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | +0.92 | 66 | 73 |
| #4 | Limp Whip | +0.60 | 56 | 63 |
| #5 | Buchtelix | +0.37 | 75 | 62 |





