








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1009 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 415 matches | ||
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 83 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4770 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,795 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5757 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5936 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3707 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4395 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,413,364 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 230 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Buchtelix | 4 | 0.0004 |
| #2 | Jansteffen | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Gnarf | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | BitchPlease | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | hanneS | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Buchtelix | 610 | 0.07 | 15 min |
| #2 | Whatnever | 161 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | hanneS | 123 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Gnarf | 116 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Jansteffen | 106 | 0.04 | 2 min |





