








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 696 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 469 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




73 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5591 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,858 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2722 | 15% |
| Smokes | 5389 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4294 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5453 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,355,183 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1286 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PotNation420 | 53% | 149 |
| #2 | freaky ghast | 50% | 80 |
| #3 | Jim Lahey | 48% | 107 |
| #4 | Tostito | 48% | 340 |
| #5 | 『 』seanteku paranoid.gg | 45% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tostito | 352 | 0.05 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | 263 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | freaky ghast | 196 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | PotNation420 | 116 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | 『 』seanteku paranoid.gg | 107 | 0.07 | 2 min |





