








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 843 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 251 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 108 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1956 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,921 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1508 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2961 | 50% |
| HE Grenades | 659 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 793 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,071,942 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2265 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | SirPepi | 42% | 74 |
| #10 | Sassy The Simp | 42% | 48 |
| #11 | Marina the Witch Wolf | 40% | 43 |
| #12 | nrwls | 37% | 19 |
| #13 | Dangerous | 31% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Syret | 13 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Cennie | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Marina the Witch Wolf | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | SirPepi | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | tegelane50 | 3 | 0.0039 |





