








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
390 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,050 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 418 | 40% |
| Smokes | 186 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 193 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 253 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $120,395 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Snowy | 45% | 22 |
| #5 | fakie | 36% | 11 |
| #6 | R3LAX | 32% | 19 |
| #7 | CRANKROD | 31% | 26 |
| #8 | BaliforniaRoll | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fakie | 3 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | Snowy | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | BaliforniaRoll | 2 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | CRANKROD | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | R3LAX | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snowy | 73 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #2 | CRANKROD | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | R3LAX | 26 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | fakie | 17 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | BaliforniaRoll | 16 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Asian Jesus | +20.56 | 99 | 65 |
| #2 | Snowy | +5.81 | 82 | 73 |
| #3 | PorkyPun | -1.24 | 84 | 18 |
| #4 | R3LAX | -1.47 | 52 | 75 |
| #5 | Fat Doggo STUCK | -1.92 | 54 | 47 |





