










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1008 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,659 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1594 | 34% |
| Smokes | 824 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1274 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 967 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $847,602 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prettiest Unicorn Alive | 7 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Diddily | 7 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | ikbims | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | Giottoli | 3 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Spinx | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Diddily | 387 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #2 | Spinx | 293 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #3 | Prettiest Unicorn Alive | 278 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | ikbims | 122 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | Giottoli | 95 | 0.15 | 2 min |





