








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 231 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 71 matches | ||
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1470 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,130 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1424 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1623 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1082 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1001 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $890,614 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 129 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | (●>ω<●)face | 55% | 60 |
| #11 | Donk | 55% | 11 |
| #12 | Asian Bogan | 50% | 32 |
| #13 | _.xx | 48% | 25 |
| #14 | `Ethan | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | /^ A p k $/g | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | _.xx | 3 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | ga | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Asian Bogan | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | (●>ω<●)face | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | /^ A p k $/g | 358 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #2 | ga | 278 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #3 | (●>ω<●)face | 219 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #4 | Asian Bogan | 112 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | `Ethan | 109 | 0.21 | 3 min |





