








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 299 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 537 matches | ||
| Wingman | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4118 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,969 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2448 | 11% |
| Smokes | 6434 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5427 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 8660 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,514,527 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | General Tapioca | 52% | 149 |
| #3 | Syrkonsky | 51% | 614 |
| #4 | ketzOO- | 51% | 59 |
| #5 | BartzaNinou | 48% | 151 |
| #6 | soulseek | 47% | 232 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Syrkonsky | 34 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | General Tapioca | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | soulseek | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | ketzOO- | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | BartzaNinou | 3 | 0.0010 |





