








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 116 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Esplay | 2 matches | 2,268 |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1059 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 601 | 21% |
| Smokes | 754 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 724 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 738 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $314,404 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holy Cow | 47% | 30 |
| #2 | Hopf | 47% | 45 |
| #3 | Uma-Ness | 46% | 26 |
| #4 | Fishy_ | 41% | 29 |
| #5 | stonx ✌ | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Hopf | 47% | 45 |
| #3 | Uma-Ness | 46% | 26 |
| #4 | Fishy_ | 41% | 29 |
| #5 | stonx ✌ | 33% | 9 |
| #6 | jylle | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uma-Ness | 2 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hopf | 90 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Fishy_ | 45 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Uma-Ness | 35 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Holy Cow | 27 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | stonx ✌ | 26 | 0.19 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fishy_ | +1.13 | 79 | 58 |
| #2 | helium | +1.12 | 72 | 61 |
| #3 | Uma-Ness | +0.48 | 65 | 57 |
| #4 | stonx ✌ | -0.21 | 56 | 57 |
| #5 | jylle | -0.61 | 79 | 68 |





