








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 112 matches | ||
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1529 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,521 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1446 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1541 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1884 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1650 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,523 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Redvac | 47% | 30 |
| #2 | DodoZbrex | 45% | 40 |
| #3 | ex | 45% | 83 |
| #4 | SelectaPastaga | 44% | 102 |
| #5 | BlueGhost | 43% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | DodoZbrex | 45% | 40 |
| #3 | ex | 45% | 83 |
| #4 | SelectaPastaga | 44% | 102 |
| #5 | BlueGhost | 43% | 122 |
| #6 | Piquecelle | 40% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SelectaPastaga | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | ex | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | BlueGhost | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | Piquecelle | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Redvac | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BlueGhost | 389 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | SelectaPastaga | 230 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Piquecelle | 124 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | ex | 120 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Redvac | 101 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ex | +3.22 | 80 | 66 |
| #2 | BlueGhost | +2.59 | 75 | 71 |
| #3 | Redvac | +1.56 | 74 | 74 |
| #4 | DodoZbrex | +0.99 | 66 | 59 |
| #5 | SelectaPastaga | -0.73 | 50 | 62 |





